What can we do to ensure those we love have their last wishes honored?

           One thing we know for sure is that we are born, we pay taxes, and then we die. Surely, this is life’s cycle. Yet, we are so uncomfortable to address end of life issues. What happens then is that those who are facing the end of life do so alone. We know that there are better ways. As we have been discussing the use of POLST (Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment), there is a better way to ensure that those we love and care for have their last wishes honored. 

As a family member, what can I do?

            Family members need to be aware of the health of their aged, loved one. Discuss openly end of life issues. Do not be afraid to bring up the subject of death. We all think about it. We just may not be comfortable talking about it. While your loved one still is coherent and able to express his or her thoughts on end of life is the ideal time to discuss death. This way you can ensure that you know your loved one’s decisions and not have to guess when the time comes.

            This should not be just one conversation but a series of conversations. These conversations should include your aged loved one, the family, the physician or healthcare team, and your spiritual advisors. All major religions accept the concept of comfort care but the family and aged one may not know this. 

What’s next?

            Only after careful consideration and discussion should a POLST form be completed. Everyone needs to be “in the loop”. This is not a time not to share. All family members should have a copy of the completed POLST form with the original with the aged family member at all times. This way there are no surprises and everyone understands and can honor the loved one’s decisions. Too often, family members say that they have never discussed end of life. Too often, this leads to bickering, disagreements, and frustration among family members because they simply do not know what to do.

            Our society seems to think that the best thing often is to “do everything”. However, as mentioned in earlier posts, doing many invasive procedures may extend an aged person’s life but does not nothing to improve his or her quality of life. In fact, the invasive medical care that we provide often results in increased pain for that loved one. 

            So, take the time now to begin the discussion. You and your aged, loved one will be glad you did. Which way do you want to your aged family member's last memories to be?